hardness of heart

Mark 10:4-5: "They said, "Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of dismissal and to divorce her." But Jesus said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart he wrote this commandment for you."
This statement by Jesus takes place in the midst of a dialogue he is having with the Pharisees (religious leaders in Jesus' day). Actually, it comes in the midst of their attempt to "test" Jesus, hoping that Jesus would violate the Law of the Jews in his answer so they could charge him with something. The question is about divorce. It seems that even in Jesus' time, there was a range of reasons for divorce, some more serious than others. (Of course, in Jesus' time, it was only the men who were legally allowed to initiate a divorce).
The Pharisees cite the law that Moses communicated to the Jews which allowed for divorce. They thought they were citing the clear guidelines of the law. But Jesus response is off-putting. "Because of your hardness of heart he wrote this commandment for you." He goes on to say that God created us male and female for each other in marriage. And most shockingly, Jesus tells his disciples later that whoever divorces his wife and marries again commits adultery against his (first) wife.
Jesus' words are strong. I must confess to you that I do not like dealing with this passage of Scripture. Why? Because I have known many good Christians who have experienced very painful divorces and subsequently had happy remarriages. I also have known of abusive or adulterous situations where divorce was clearly a sad but necessary outcome.
There is no way to water down Jesus' words. They are serious. Divorce is a serious thing, as any of you who have experienced it can testify.
But if you have already divorced and remarried, I do not think this Scripture is there to condemn you. If you have already divorced I do not think Jesus would forbid all remarriage. No one can go back and change the past as much as we would like to. What this Scripture says to me is that relationships matter to God, especially the marriage relationship. Jesus is pointing out our human condition: we tend to become "hard of heart" sometimes. This means to be selfish, unforgiving, prideful, etc. When we allow "hardness of heart" to prevail in our marriage (or with friends, relatives, co-workers, classmates, etc.) then we are headed for trouble.
Jesus would help us to love, forgive, and live at peace with one another, especially in Christian marriages. There are valid reasons for divorce. But as far as it lies within your control, accept Jesus' challenge today to love, to be giving, to forgive, to live at peace with one another. If we let him, Jesus can soften our "hardness of heart."